Journals19
Newest
Twitch!
1 min read
Yes, I am now a streamer on Twitch! I stream mainly creative/variety, with some gaming thrown in. Check it out at www.twitch.tv/angikate on Wednesdays and Saturdays from 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm Pacific Standard Time.
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Rise From Your Grave!
2 min read
I had not realized that I dropped off the earth for so long!
Without going into too much detail, I was in a tailspin for some time after my mom died. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten until my brain tried to kill me and I got the right meds to get out of that mess. I'm happy to report that the meds and therapy are working and life is starting to look up.
One of the things that gave my life balance was creating things, so I'm getting back online and carving time out to make random things. I'm still trying to unpack my craft supplies into an actual sewing room, so nothing big in the works until my "studio" is set up. Unfortunately, some of the things I had that were "in progress" have been destroyed and I haven't decided if I'm going to remake them or not. First up on the agenda is to make some more patches. I've also backed a CYMK 3D printer in the 3rd group and the first group printers mail in 2 weeks, so I'll be teaching myself 3D modeling while I wait for my new toy. I'm also going to have to re-open my Storenvy soon, but more slowly than last time as I still have to balance the Day Job (TM) with parenting and Castle Day (aka my friend's wedding) so I already have a full schedule.
Once the studio is set up (or possibly before depending on how things go) I plan to live stream with twitch. I'm still setting up my channel and figuring out what my schedule will be, so more updates on that as things go along. In the meantime, looks like everyone here has been busy as my new post notification for people I follow is in the thousands! You all rock and should be super proud of yourselves! And if you're like me and haven't posted in a while, I hope you are able to come back someday! ^_^
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Getting back to work
1 min read
Sorry about all the posts that I have not responded to in the last two months. My mother died of cancer and it has taken a long time to put things in some semblance of order. There are still many things left unfinished, so I will probably be slow to respond to things for a while. (Kinda like I'm slow to post new stuff. Apparently that happens to everyone here.) 
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Looking for things to do
3 min read
I've had a lot of death in my family lately. Thinking about how little time we all have to spend with our loved ones on this earth (yes, sappy but true) I've been trying to find more and more things that I can do to live. Right now I'm trying to find little things to be happy about. Yesterday, I painted my nails deep dark purple, and then used a silver/gray to make French tips. I did this for no other reason than I have fingernails and I like purple.
The grand plan (and why purple nails are so important) is to stop focusing on work and bills. I've bought in to the promise that working harder will allow you to be happy, and so far, it's not true. I work my ass off, have worked for years, and I am no happier today than I was when I joined the workforce. Not only that, I turn EVERYTHING into work. Including my art. I've had to do a lot of questioning as to why I do art: Do I do it as a job? Or to have fun? Am I still enjoying it? The answers aren't as quick and easy as I used to believe.
The Cursed Coat of Doom (TM) really had me thinking that I should never have started costuming in the first place. (The pictures look okay, but it was one failure after another, each failure building upon the last, and even finished I am not happy with the result.) But is all costuming like that? It wasn't before. I lied to myself so much to keep me working on this one project. "It will make a good portfolio piece." "Tackle this and every other project will be easy." "A better portfolio means a better chance at a job in costuming." "When it's finished, you'll be so proud, you'll look back and feel accomplished, like all the hard parts didn't matter." Yeah, right.
For the last two months I have stopped costuming. I worked on the keyblade and stitched a hat. I think about doing a project, then look at the materials, and decide I'd rather be doing something else. I tried to make a work shirt--something normal and boring--and that turned out to be a complete waste of materials. The fit was completely wrong and looked nothing like the picture. Sewing = failure. How did I ever think I was any good at this?
So, in classic depression mode, I excel at emphasizing the negative, and don't take enough time to enjoy the good things. Painting my nails was good. Making a keyblade out of paper was good. Over the next few weeks I plan to find more things that are good, things to improve my mood and outlook on life. And maybe, once I'm in a better place, I can start costuming again. That's the goal.
The grand plan (and why purple nails are so important) is to stop focusing on work and bills. I've bought in to the promise that working harder will allow you to be happy, and so far, it's not true. I work my ass off, have worked for years, and I am no happier today than I was when I joined the workforce. Not only that, I turn EVERYTHING into work. Including my art. I've had to do a lot of questioning as to why I do art: Do I do it as a job? Or to have fun? Am I still enjoying it? The answers aren't as quick and easy as I used to believe.
The Cursed Coat of Doom (TM) really had me thinking that I should never have started costuming in the first place. (The pictures look okay, but it was one failure after another, each failure building upon the last, and even finished I am not happy with the result.) But is all costuming like that? It wasn't before. I lied to myself so much to keep me working on this one project. "It will make a good portfolio piece." "Tackle this and every other project will be easy." "A better portfolio means a better chance at a job in costuming." "When it's finished, you'll be so proud, you'll look back and feel accomplished, like all the hard parts didn't matter." Yeah, right.
For the last two months I have stopped costuming. I worked on the keyblade and stitched a hat. I think about doing a project, then look at the materials, and decide I'd rather be doing something else. I tried to make a work shirt--something normal and boring--and that turned out to be a complete waste of materials. The fit was completely wrong and looked nothing like the picture. Sewing = failure. How did I ever think I was any good at this?
So, in classic depression mode, I excel at emphasizing the negative, and don't take enough time to enjoy the good things. Painting my nails was good. Making a keyblade out of paper was good. Over the next few weeks I plan to find more things that are good, things to improve my mood and outlook on life. And maybe, once I'm in a better place, I can start costuming again. That's the goal.
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Etsy Shop Closing
1 min read
Just announced my shop closing on Etsy. All of my listings expire on June 12th. Since I've had this shop since 2009 and only had 10 sales, it's time to call this a loss and move on. www.etsy.com/shop/MidnightMari…
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